Feeding My Brain (& Soul)
- Erica Ndanou
- Aug 6
- 3 min read
What's my issue?
My issue is that ChatGPT has become my brain. I use it for everything - especially when I'm doubting myself. As a result, my brain feels particularly small. I can no longer give myself feedback, or conduct research, or write eloquently.
Likewise, I rely on Red Bull to give me a productivity boost; it helps me focus, so I drink it whenever I'm down.
At the age of 18, I can feel my body slowing down, and I don't like it. I felt more sure of myself and intelligent at ages 16, 12 and 14.
My fear is that I'm becoming stupid, unable to think for myself or have my own opinions.
What has taken me so long?
As silly as it sounds, I (perhaps unrealistically) fear that if I know too much, the world will seem much more depressing than it already is.
Sometimes, I analyse too much when really I should just let it flow.
I want to be both ridiculously intelligent and carefree (which I feel can't be achieved together).
The tension between these two ideal versions of myself was made clear to me through a tweet:
If I put all my effort into becoming intelligent - into really understanding the world and others to the best of my ability, won't I confront everything I see? Won't that make things more difficult for me?
Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.
In regard to becoming a lawyer, legal and political news never fails to disappoint me. After I read an article, I feel overly aware of my surroundings, and I always, always wish I had never read the article to begin with. Comment sections and debates make me wish I didn't have to acknowledge others.
When I think like this, I wonder if I can ever really be a lawyer if I'm not willing to face these things head-on. There are issues in the world, and I know it, but, selfishly, I don't want to be aware of them all the time.
However, I can't shake the feeling that not enough people are trying to understand anymore. Understanding others has become harder, and I feel that many now avoid doing so. Sure, I can do that too (one more person won't make a difference), but letting it flow hasn't really been working for me. With what I have, which isn't a lot, but more than others, I feel that it is a duty of mine to try my hardest to do right by others, even if it may come at my expense.
So, I'm trying something new. The hope is that I can find a balance between the two and that my increased awareness won't dramatically decrease my mental wellbeing.
So, starting from today (06/Aug/2025), I'm feeding my brain (& soul).
I will consume media more intentionally. Try to learn new things - even if I can't monetise them. Do things the harder way. No more ChatGPT for ideas or feedback.
Below is a set of rules which I will follow (and you can too). The rules aren't much, but I often find I bite more than I can chew (I like to be perfect from the beginning and skip the learning process)
The Rules:
No ChatGPT (or any other AI)
No energy drinks (which I typically use for a productivity boost)*
Read one article/essay a day (on any topic)
Write anything (at least once a week)
Play 1 brain game a day
*I'm replacing energy drinks with fizzy drinks and smoothies (but mostly fizzy drinks), which I know isn't particularly healthy either, but it's a least a little better (I think)
After this is published, I will delete and block ChatGPT on all my devices. I will cook dinner and read an essay about the movie Sound of Metal (2019) directed by Darius Marder. As I get ready for bed, I will play a brain game, like Sudoku or chess. I will feel a little smarter and fuller than I did this morning.
Check in with me later, and I'll tell you how this is going
-B.L
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